A Collaborative Divorce process is the best way to set the stage for your successful co-parenting journey. When separating or divorcing, you are each represented by your own collaborative lawyer, with both lawyers working together with you towards co-parenting that is focused on the best interests of your children.
Through the collaborative process, you can learn valuable information and skills to move forward as co-parents, parenting out of two homes. There is also an option of retaining a neutral divorce coach, who can assist you with helping you effectively cope with and address common emotions and challenges associated with divorce, as well as the impacts on children. In addition, the divorce coach can assist with the development of co-parenting plans, uniquely formatted for you and your children, aimed at making the transition from one home to two, as easy and helpful as possible.
One helpful tip is to agree on a co-parenting app. These apps are vital to helping you to communicate in an efficient and concise manner with the other parent. Parenting apps have a calendar system where each of you can enter and record, as well as be informed of your children’s school activities, extracurricular activities, medical/dental appointments, birthday parties, play dates, the parenting schedule, etc. These apps also have a message system that you can communicate with each other, and each parent can see if the other parent has read their message. Parenting apps also engage artificial intelligence programs, which monitor your communications with each other and let you know if you are going to send a distasteful text and if so, the app encourages you to modify your language. In the event you require it, you can also grant access to your lawyers or divorce coach to monitor your communications. These apps also allow you to project what a certain parenting plan will look like years into the future, aimed at helping you design and tweak your parenting plan as applicable.
The second tip is for all parents, even those that are still together. For parents who are co-parenting in two different homes it is especially important that you learn to project a united front for your children. It does not really matter whose opinion or parenting style wins the day, but you as parents, must agree that your children should never see you openly disagree, or be negatively impacted by conflict or negative tensions between you. Children of separated parents, typically worry that “it’s their fault” that their parents are no longer together. You should provide assurances to your children that the reason for your separation is not due to them as well as ensuring that things will be ok when they have two homes and that you both love them very much. Although you may have difficulty re-establishing a level of trust with the other parent, and/or have different perspectives, it remains important to demonstrate to your children that you share common goals about parenting and their well-being. This paves the way for a healthy co-parenting relationship, as when children know that their parents are “on the same page,” it assists them in adapting to their new home life circumstances.
Another important tip is to allow your child to love their other parent and that parent’s family. The sooner that each of you can put aside your personal differences and opinions of the other parent and their family, the easier it will be for your children to adapt to now having two homes and to not feel “caught in the middle” of disagreements or resentments between you. When children are allowed the freedom to talk about and discuss the other parent and their respective families in a positive light, without judgment and resentment from you, it greatly helps with your children’s anxiety and stress, as well as the re-establishment of their sense of security that has been shaken in the midst of your separation/divorce. Further, reducing tensions at exchanges, or when both of you are at the same event, as well as you being civil/pleasant with one another, is not only beneficial for your children, but such positive interactions will make your co-parenting journey, much more tolerable, effective, and perhaps even enjoyable.
It is hoped that these tips, along with working with qualified professionals, will assist you in developing a co-parenting relationship that will be in the best interests of your children.
