I had the pleasure of attending the Collaborative Professionals of Saskatchewan Inc.’ s Advanced Interdisciplinary Training in Saskatoon on June 20th, 2024. This engaging full day session was facilitated by the amazing team of Victoria Smith, Laurie Stein and Jane Tremblay, a Collaborative Training team from Toronto, Ontario, provided insights and different ways of thinking to the attendees present. Below are some of the key takeaways:
- Flexible process: Collaborative Divorce is not a restrictive process which must follow a rigid structure. Parties can craft a process that works best for them. Sometimes that will mean full team meetings. Sometimes it will not. Parties and their team of professionals are able to craft a process that works best for the unique circumstances of the family. This may involve the parties collecting financial disclosure prior to the first meeting, working with financial or family professionals outside of a full team meeting prior to a first team meeting, two-way or three-way meetings between the parties, their lawyers, and the other professionals involved in between larger team meetings. There are a million different permutations which can be adapted to the needs of the family or couple, and as long as you are with the principles of the process, all those permutations are valid.
- Reframing conflict: our clients come to us having had a potentially long and dysfunctional history of conflict within their relationship. It is important to remind the participants that conflict is not always a negative thing: conflict is an expression that something important is happening. The parties are having necessary and essential conversations when they are in conflict. The way they treat each other while having those important conversations can set the stage for a future where they can be respectful and effective as co-parents.
- Teamwork takes practice: oftentimes Collaborative teams are coming into a Collaborative Divorce file having never worked together, or if some team members may have worked together, there may be a new addition. Despite this, team members may have an expectation that the functioning of the team will be seamless. This is not a reasonable expectation! Over time and with experience and practice, your ability to work with each of the team members you are dealing with will improve and grow. Give yourself and your colleagues grace as you work through files together.
- It’s all about balance: we discussed the theories of Adam Kahane and the importance for the lawyer participating in the process to accept and validate the experiences of both parties. Lawyers must walk a fine line between engagement (understanding and holding the perspective of the other client) and assertion (holding and asserting their own client’s individual needs and wants).
Attending this amazing training has re-ignited my desire to make every one of my files a Collaborative file. In my opinion, this settlement-oriented process which lets clients have difficult conversations without shredding their family is simply the best way for parties to resolve their disputes.
If you were unlucky enough to miss this training, I would encourage you to reach out to a colleague who was in attendance and ask them to share some of the multitude of other insights they no doubt gleaned from this excellent training!